I’ve tried all kinds of bait in the past: worms, fish, murder, sex, jealousy, and revenge, but so far none have worked. So today I bait my hook with an image that I bought from a small fishing shack at the end of the promenade. Slowly I introduce the image to the hook. Sensing its fate, … More Bait
I asked a builder to build me a house. He came to my home and we drank tea at the kitchen table in front of the glowing coal fire and talked about what I wanted. ‘I want you to build me a creepy house on a hill,’ I said. ‘You know the sort: creaky floorboards, … More House
After years of plotting, the children finally struck. Adults were forced to surrender TV remotes and future dreams before being herded onto cattle trucks under the supervision of machine-gun wielding adolescents. The lucky ones who escaped the city fled to far-off snow-capped mountains where young legs leadened quickly. Within months the city had fallen. Angry … More Rise of the Planet of the Kids.
In a bid to improve the mental state of commuters, a South-Western railway company had replaced the usual flat track from Woking to Paddington station with a train-sized rollercoaster track. The usual one-hour journey now takes nearly two hours but in that time passengers take in two loop the loops, three cobra rolls, four camel … More The Louder you Scream…
I knocked twice on the Doctor’s door. ‘Who’s there,’ came the deep crackled voice. ‘Your next patient,’ I said. ‘Come in!’ I went inside and sat down at his desk. The wall clock ticked hypnotically. ‘What seems to be the problem,’ he said. ‘Well Doctor,’ I said. ‘I feel like a cliché.’ The Doctor looked … More Anti-Cliches…
The Morris Family 3,869 Reviews The Abbey Hotel, Paignton, Devon. “More of a Nightmare than Freddy Krueger!” Within moments of the Morris family arriving I knew they would be trouble. Mrs Morris is without doubt the most awful, vile, and meddlesome bitch I have ever met. She complained about everything; the breakfast, the beds, … More Guest Advisor
Before the blood was taken I was one hundred percent positive I was one hundred percent negative, and I hate to sound so negative because I used to be so positive, but now the bloods been taken I am one hundred percent positive I am one hundred percent positive. And to think: I used to be … More H.I.V. TEST
My Penis had vanished! Gone! I looked in all the usual places: Behind the couch, under the couch, down the couch. Nothing. So after three worrying days I went to the police station to fill out a missing penis report. The desk sergeant asked if I had a photograph of my penis. ‘No,’ I … More Missing Penis!
I used to tell stories. I used to enjoy telling stories. I would sit down and write whatever was in my mind with no thought about anything other than telling a good honest story. I simply wrote and never gave any thought of telling stories any other way than just telling them. I was always … More SHOW don’t TELL.
It was just after eight a.m. and already the precinct was hotter than an oven. As I packed up my desk, the guys stood around laughing and laying the sarcasm on real thick. Fat Tommy sidled up next to me with a meatball sub in his hand. ‘Hey Jimmy,’ he said, patting his shoulder holstered … More LITERARY DIVISION