The Louder you Scream…

In a bid to improve the mental state of commuters, a South-Western railway company had replaced the usual flat track from Woking to Paddington station with a train-sized rollercoaster track. The usual one-hour journey now takes nearly two hours but in that time passengers take in two loop the loops, three cobra rolls, four camel backs, several Immelmann turns and a two-mile corkscrew before the train returns to level track and enters Paddington Station. The Minister for Transport said he was delighted with the new service, having ridden on it several times in one morning. ‘I am even thinking of moving to Woking so I can ride it everyday,’ he said in a press conference. The Minister’s delight was not shared by others though. Outside Woking station, angry railway workers protested about their new working conditions. They chanted and sang songs and waved home-made banners that said: ‘Have you ever served coffee upside-down?’ One disgruntled conductor said, ‘It seems that the louder we scream, the faster they ignore us.’ To combat the strike, railway chiefs have drafted in fairground workers from all over the country. Drivers, conductors, and refreshment vendors have now been replaced by candy-floss sellers, dodgy looking waltzer operators, and gold-toothed coconut shysters.

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