I knocked twice on the Doctor’s door. ‘Who’s there,’ came the deep crackled voice. ‘Your next patient,’ I said. ‘Come in!’ I went inside and sat down at his desk. The wall clock ticked hypnotically. ‘What seems to be the problem,’ he said. ‘Well Doctor,’ I said. ‘I feel like a cliché.’ The Doctor looked … More Anti-Cliches…
On her way to school one morning a little girl called Daisy Pumpkin was shocked to discover she had the shadow of a fully grown African elephant. When she moved her head the elephant shadow moved its head, swinging its trunk from side to side. When Daisy hopped on one leg so to did the … More Daisy Pumpkin’s Elephant Shadow.
My front door is many things: A door, a windbreak, and a telepathic psychopath to name just a few. (If you were my front door you would have known that already.) But all that extra-sensory-power has warped my front door’s sense of humour. It used to laugh at Carry on Films and musical comedy, but … More My Psycho Front Door.
It’s fucking evil the sun out here. A right nasty piece of shit. Comes up just before the locals start wailing and hangs there all fucking day like a proper menace. I have to smear meself in Army issue factor fifty to keep it from torching me skin. Makes me look like Casper the fucking … More Bastard Sun.
When I arrived at Shklovsky’s garage, I found my car in parts: The brakes, the clutch, the wheel discs, the cam shaft, the gearbox, and the exhaust all laid out on the greasy floor like excavated dinosaur bones. ‘Jesus Shklovsky!’ I said. ‘What the hell have you done to my car?’ Shklovsky held a piston … More Shklovsky’s Garage.
Professor Dawkins, what will you say? Standing before Him on Judgement day. Will you squirm and squeal and solicit for your soul? Will you plead for His mercy before you’re cast into the hole? At that time you will know much confusion. You’ll be shown your life and you’ll see your Delusion. Pleading, ‘please not … More Professor Dawkins you Have (hate) Mail.