I’ve tried all kinds of bait in the past: worms, fish, murder, sex, jealousy, and revenge, but so far none have worked. So today I bait my hook with an image that I bought from a small fishing shack at the end of the promenade. Slowly I introduce the image to the hook. Sensing its fate, … More Bait
When Paris Hilton became President of the United States in the year, 2028 she immediately signed a number of executive orders that would shape the course of history. First, she decreed that the education system would replace the teaching of science with celebrity gossip. Within hours biology, chemistry, and physics had been erased from the … More Celebrity Robot Rumble
The restaurant was small and busy. Two little Italian guys zipped back and forth between the kitchen and the customers. The tables were rustic and handmade; each one a different size and style than the next but all with red and white checked tablecloths, a lamp, and vase of fresh flowers on each. The place … More HOUSE CAT
I was fourteen years old the first time I had my heart broken. It was lunchtime and I was stood in the school playground eating Blackjacks and Fruit Salads when this guy told me he had just kissed the girl I loved. ‘I took her behind the woodwork shop,’ he said all cocky. Tears leaked from … More Playground Joke
The author sat at his desk in the warm sunlight that streamed in through the French doors. The study was a strange mix of chaos and order with books stacked neatly in on shelves and old papers of every kind strewn on the desk like a great reef. Framed photographs of the author’s grandchildren stood on … More The Author.
My time-travel experiment had failed. I was doomed to spend the rest of my days travelling between the past and the future with no hope of returning to the moment I had ignited the engine on my time-vehicle. I lived in the knowledge that I would travel through the cold conduit of time until I swallowed … More The Anxiety of Time-Travel.
I asked a builder to build me a house. He came to my home and we drank tea at the kitchen table in front of the glowing coal fire and talked about what I wanted. ‘I want you to build me a creepy house on a hill,’ I said. ‘You know the sort: creaky floorboards, … More House
I’m dying. Breathless and panicked Stammering and sweating, Whispering weightless words To empty faces Who stare sadistically Like Colosseum spectators. They prefer this mental breakdown To my actual material. I’m dying again And they absolutely love it.
After years of plotting, the children finally struck. Adults were forced to surrender TV remotes and future dreams before being herded onto cattle trucks under the supervision of machine-gun wielding adolescents. The lucky ones who escaped the city fled to far-off snow-capped mountains where young legs leadened quickly. Within months the city had fallen. Angry … More Rise of the Planet of the Kids.
In a bid to improve the mental state of commuters, a South-Western railway company had replaced the usual flat track from Woking to Paddington station with a train-sized rollercoaster track. The usual one-hour journey now takes nearly two hours but in that time passengers take in two loop the loops, three cobra rolls, four camel … More The Louder you Scream…